Many people spend their life at what they think is the mercy of circumstances. Living at the mercy of things that happen, other people, and live locked in the past. For some fear or limiting beliefs stop them dead in their tracks when they look to take action, like an invisible force holding them stuck. For some money (more specifically financial consequence) is something that they feel controls them – but who’s really in control of your life? You or circumstance? … and if you said circumstance, do you think you can change that? (if you can, then it’s actually you!)

In NLP we talk about the Empowerment theme (there are 4 themes that form the foundation of the success mindset). Sure, circumstances in life may not be of your choosing (e.g. none of us created this recent pandemic for example) but human beings DO have the choice about how they respond. The famous quote goes ‘you are not what happens to you, you are how you choose to react’ – I prefer respond to react … read on!

Now, don’t get me wrong in the moment we are often on auto pilot and our response is a reaction, but what if you could change that and you could choose how you respond? What if you could change your automatic thinking patterns and change your results & fullfillment in life? What if you could make changes so you don’t have the buttons for people to push? What if you could do a software update on those beliefs that hold you back and change them?

Never to controlled by

Who are you allowing yourself to be controlled by?

Between stimulus and response there is space, but what goes on in that space? Depending on circumstances your reaction is an unconscious programme that runs in this space in your mind (at lightening speed) without little (if any) conscious thought. The output of this programming running results is how you feel, the thoughts that rush through your mind, the memories that get triggered, the internal self talk, AND ultimately THAT all drives your behaviour …. you action/inaction/reaction/response (call it what you like). It feels like we have no choice. Perhaps it feels like circumstances MAKE you react and then you regret your action or response…. but YOUR automatic thinking processes are in that space!

Let’s use an example of someone being critical. Perhaps someone close to you says to you “you’re just a housewife, you won’t know”. You react. Your emotions go into overdrive, the thoughts come rushing through your mind (perhaps of anger: ‘who do they think they are!”and you become prepared to attack … or one of hurt “why would s/he say such a thing”) . Your hackles go up. All of these reactions are triggered unconsciously and it all happens so fast all you notice is the output – the reaction. You heard something, your mind filtered it and that led to thoughts, feelings and behaviour (action to inaction e.g. if you have trained yourself to not say anything to keep the peace – a common strategy – albeit unhelpful in the long run for you!).

Now in this situation, you may feel you are being controlled by someone else. But in fact your are being controlled by you! Now, WHAT?! I hear your cry … the truth is that no-one can make you feel anything, you do it to yourself. Your thoughts are your own. If they are not what you want to experience, then it’s only you who can take responsibility for changing that (even if that’s building up the courage to make a decision you need to change your environment and not spend time with that person I mentioned above – that’s you’re choice! Doing nothing and keeping things as they are is also your choice!)

Never let yourself be controlled by other people, your past, fear, money, or limiting beliefs

If you’re happy to accept that you have the power to change things, then let me help you understand how you can change some of this:


  • The past is full of past experiences (some good and some not so). You cannot change the past – what’s done is done. You can choose how you react to it at this point in your life. You’ll often hear me saying on our NLP Practitioner courses, ‘the past is gone the only purpose it now serves is as a vehicle from which to learn’. If you can take some kind of learning (something positive, that’s useful for you and useful in the future) then the negative emotions attached to those memories start to dissipate. So reflect on the past only for the purpose of deciding what can you learn and what you will decide to do differently in the future. Forgive yourself (you were doing the best you could with the resources you had at that time). Forgive others – this is a tough one, but if you spend the rest of your life trying to drive forward whilst looking in the rear view mirror, how far will you get? (I’d argue you rob yourself of the joy of living in the present – it’s done). We use Time Line Therapy® to help people let go of unwarranted and unresolved negative emotions from the past like Anger, Sadness, Fear, Hurt and Guilt.
  • Fear: I’ve already said Time Line Therapy® is a great advanced NLP technique that will allow you you let go of inappropriate and unwarranted fear from the past. The truth is that fear is rooted in the past – from past experiences. Did you know an article from the University of Minnesota says that: ‘Fear weakens our immune system and can cause cardiovascular damage, gastrointestinal problems such as ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome, and decreased fertility’. If that’s not motivation enough to let fear go, then I don’t know what is! The opposite of fear for me is bravey and courage. Did you know that some says FEAR stands for: False Evidence Appearing REAL 🙂 Isn’t it time you let it go and perhaps learnt how be be more brave and courageous?
  • Money is not evil. Money is just energy. We attach meaning to Money. If you’re making decisions based on how much money is involved then perhaps you’re missing the bigger picture? What does money get you and could you get that in a different way? Perhaps you need to review your relationship with money, how it makes you fell, or your beliefs about you and money. For example if you’re staying in a relationship due to money, then what do you belief about yourself that means you can’t make your own money? (on our NLP Practitioner course you can easily change limiting beliefs like ‘I can’t make money’). What do you believe money gets you? – e.g. if it’s paying for holidays so you can rest, if rest is the ultimate objective, could you rest in other ways? if money equates to fulfilment for you, could you feel fulfilled in other ways? Are you setting limitations in your life which mean money isn’t readily available? Don’t let money control you, you control money and your finances. Choices, actions and outcomes are all key here (you learn more about your money mindset watch by watching this YouTube video).
  • For what purpose are you allowing other people to control you? – this is a tough love question to start off with I know. Are you are gaining from it in some way? You are choosing to have things be this way in your life.  Are you letting others think for you because it’s easier (or on the flipside maybe you’re being lazy and can’t be bothered, or want someone else to blame if it all goes wrong!). Maybe it’s just how it’s always been and you need to find the courage to stand up or speak up for yourself and take back control (it’s your life after all). Are you scared of the consequence of being your own person? Maybe it’s courage you are seeking to take the first step. If someone else if negatively impacting your emotions and life, then you need to take action.
  • Limiting Beliefs are beliefs you hold about yourself that limit you or hold you back in anyway. On our ABNLP accredited (and globally recognised) NLP Practitioner course I share that Tad James said that your beliefs are not true, but you act as if they are and therefore they become a self fulling prophecy. As Henry Ford said: ‘whether you believe you can or you can’t your absolute right!’. On the NLP Practitioner course folks learn how in you can get rid of limiting beliefs in around 12-14 minutes and have people believe the complete opposite! Turning for example ‘I’m not good enough’ into ‘I’m absolutely good enough’. ‘I don’t trust myself ‘into ‘I totally trust myself’. ‘I fear rejection’ into  ‘I totally accept and love myself’. The list goes on. For now, go and check out the 3-part Limiting Belief mini series I created on our YouTube Channel. This will help you hugely, right now!


If you’re ready to take back control of your life then get in touch. Join our NLP Practitioner course and let me show you have YOU CAN change these unconscious thinking processes so you can take back control of your life!

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