On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are.  But from the time we can talk, we’re being programmed to “fit in”.  We find ourselves conforming in order to please the people we love, and who love us.

But sometimes that means that you have to suppress what you know is the real person inside. I hear this a lot from the students that come on my NLP Practitioner course. People who have lost who they really are as they’ve spent time prioritising everyone else – wearing the title “mummy”, “wife” or their professional title (e.g. “HR Director”) prior to prioritising themselves – the person they know to be the real them.

And yet, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have.  Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s practically impossible to have healthy relationships with anyone else. What does this really mean? – are you at a basic level meeting your own needs? (e.g. “me” time, time to ‘get up’ or space from others to think). Are you meeting your social & emotional needs? (e.g. emotional support from friends and getting to be the real you with no expectation and build connection). How about your health needs (physical and mental wellbeing) and for some people spiritual needs? (eg. filling up your soul with a walk by the beach – that’s my place). Meeting your needs is different to exceeding these needs – meeting the needs keeps the equilibrium, exceeding these tops up your resources ‘piggy bank’.

If you’re ready to get reacquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these 4 ideas to help you rediscover the real you.

Finding the real you
  • Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways

In order to do this you must first believe that you are valuable, and your Real Self has something to offer the world.  Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined –that’s a lot of talk!—it’s up to YOU to establish healthy communication in your thinking.  Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts. Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.”  Challenge: “Of course I do things right.  I did (example) right.  I did (example) right.  This time, I just made a mistake.  I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”


  • Listen to your heart

Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads.  Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self.  It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them.  Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask why it’s important.


  • Be careful not to get hung-up on a materialistic goal

What you’re really after is a feeling — respect, love, appreciation – as opposed to the company car, or a great guy/girl.  Keep an open mind to the feelings, and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them.  Determine not just your goals, but how it satisfies who you really are.  The mask will come off and your real self will come shining through.

  • Quiet the noise in your head

You know those voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging you to pick up the dry cleaning, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, schedule the vet, keep the boss happy.  With all that noise going on, it will be impossible for you to hear anything above the din.  This MUST be the first step.  How do you do that?  Whilst setting up systems and simplifying things will help, you also need to learn to say “No” to others without feeling guilty. If this is a challenge for you check out my video on how to say “No” and download the accompanying ebook and save that on your phone – then you’ll be ready to say “No” next time you need to.

Many of our NLP Practitioner course students also report that having done their NLP Practitioner course that their inner voice (sometimes called ‘self talk’ or ‘internal dialogue’) stops or significantly reduces. This is because on the NLP Practitioner course they start to change the parts of them at an unconscious level that drive this (often critical) voice in their head. Change the deep structure and the surface structure (the inner voice) changes! Are you ready to find out more about our NLP Practitioner course? yes? click ‘Get in Touch’ below and let’s talk! In the meantime checkout this video I recorded on the stories you’re telling yourself – make that story a positive one, and change your perception for better results. 

A person you can know and love – you! – is waiting for you to take the time to listen and understand and accept.  When you accept your Real Self again, you’ll make smarter choices, and those choices will stick because they actually fit who you are.  Now, that’s what you’re really looking for, isn’t it?

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